Today more than ever people are talking about gender, what it means to be masculine and feminine, and the importance of finding a balance between the two energies. In the gay community, the topic of gender has hit a spotlight with trans rights becoming the forefront of modern LGBT issues.
While the gay community may have an advantage in terms of understanding and experiencing the need for a feminine and masculine energy balance, there is still much healing to be done. This healing is in relation to how we judge other people in our community, as well as how we judge ourselves. In this article, I hope to assist with this healing by shedding a spiritual light on the topic of what it means to be masculine and feminine.
Growing up in a gender-based society
From a very young age, we are taught to identify with the gender we are born, and it’s considered abnormal to identify with anything that falls outside of this. Young boys are told to play with trucks, to hide their emotions, and not to wear pink or purple, for those are colours reserved for girls. Similarly, young girls are encouraged to have long hair, wear pink frilly dresses, and play with dolls.
While it’s true that many parents are now embracing and accepting their child’s “alternative” interests, as the world becomes more open-minded and accepting of different gender expression and identification, these are still considered the expected behaviours by default. The newborn baby boy is still going to get blue knitting, and the little girl pink.
It’s easy for us to put children into categories or assume their sexual orientation long before they have even thought about such things. “Little Josh loves to play with dolls, I’m sure he’s going to be gay!” True that it’s a possibility little Josh may grow up to like boys, but there’s also an equal enough possibility that he will be straight. Perhaps little Josh just enjoys expressing the feminine part of his soul or is “in touch with his feminine side” as the saying goes.
Unfortunately, these judgements are still much the reality of the world we live in. The good news is that we are becoming educated and more and more people are moving away from traditional values pinned on them through religion and cultural traditions. We have come a long way from the sexist 50s when women weren’t allowed to vote and were practically chained to their kitchen bench.
We are neither male nor female
It’s important to understand that as spiritual beings we are neither male nor female – we are androgynous. Most spiritual books highlight this truth, including the popular “Conversations with God” by Neale Donald Walsch, “I Come As a Brother” by Bartholomew, and “Journey of Souls” by Michael Newton PhD. Let me explain as simply as I can:
When we come to earth to experience ourself in physical form, we choose to be born in a male or female body. Being male or female is one of the great polarities associated with existing on the earth plane. Everything in our existence here is made up of polarities in order for us to experience and understand everything completely. For example, we must know what it is to be tall in order to know short. In order to know up, we must know down as well. For us to know what it is to be good, we must also know what it is to be bad.
I believe one of our purposes for incarnating as a particular gender on earth is not only to experience more of the energy associated with that gender but to find a balance between both – the yin and yang. We have come to earth to experience what we know about ourselves conceptually in a physical environment, but we have forgotten who we are. Remembering that we are androgynous spiritual beings is a wonderful place to start, particularly for those who may be feeling confused today about who they are inside.
“Your job on earth is not to learn (because you already know), but to remember Who You Are. And to remember who everyone else is.”
– Neale Donald Walsch
Identifying masculine and feminine energy
As I have stated already, we have both masculine and feminine energies inside of us, and we are not bound to expressing just the one which is traditionally associated with our gender.
Below is a list of typically masculine and feminine traits. Which qualities, from both columns, have you experienced in yourself?
I guarantee that even the most macho man will be able to identify with something from the “feminine energy” column, and the most girly-girl will be able to identify with something from the “masculine energy” column.
What is masculine energy?
Masculine energy represents the left side of our brain and is more logical and analytical. When used properly it is creative, practical, and self-confident. Masculine is energy is wonderful for getting things done, making decisions, and taking control of situations.
When there is an overbalance of masculine energy, there can be an increase in stress, anger, abuse of power, or inner conflicts. I know a lot of friends who are constantly in a state of doing, in which they are always trying to reach the next big goal, and never happy with where they are at the moment. These friends have a dominance of masculine energy which is creating a vortex of stress in their life by trying to accomplish too much at once.
Mind Body Green published a fascinating article highlighting the dangers of masculine energy. A quote from the article reads:
“When you lead with an overabundance of masculine energy things in your life become a struggle, accomplishments begin to fade away and the success that you are aiming for is always out of reach. Relationships begin to break and fall apart and the dreams that you had for your future can seem so far out of reach that things just keep repeating themselves and never tend to get better.”
What these souls need is to take a note from the feminine and nurture their soul – take a break. It’s wonderful to have such inspiring and can do energy, but there must be a balance.
What is feminine energy?
Feminine energy represents the right side of our brain and is loving, creative and intuitive. Some qualities of feminine energy include compassion, emotion, empathy, and truth. When you are strong in your feminine, you have a strong connection with your body and intuition, and you are able to make decisions based on what you feel in your heart. Feminine energy also tends to be more spiritual in nature, so if you are reading this article there’s a high chance you are in tune with your feminine.
When there is an overbalance of feminine energy, you can come across as weak and lose your personal power. You may be too soft and not stand up for your beliefs or stand your truth, usually to avoid conflict with another soul. When the feminine is misused you may come across as under-confident, whimsical, or too softly spoken.
Men who shun their feminine energy tend to have difficulty processing their emotions and relating to their female partner. Total Soulful Journey explains it well:
“I’ve often heard women say that their spouse is a good provider, but his absence of emotions leaves them feeling distant and lonely. This is also a problem for men, because unprocessed emotions can lead to serious health problems, including heart disease and cancer. On the other hand, a man who is in touch with his masculine and feminine energies can be both strong and tender for his family.”
Overall, it is clear that it is important for us to find a balance of masculine and feminine energies, as both have wonderful traits that counterbalance the other. When in harmony they can help us lead wonderful and successful lives.
Dominant gender energies
Usually, when we incarnate as a human on earth, one energy is more dominant in our being than the other. It is usually the energy associated with the gender we are born, but sometimes a male may have a stronger feminine energy presence, and a female a stronger masculine energy presence. Both are perfectly normal and one should not feel embarrassed to express either energy.
While often males with a dominant feminine energy are indeed gay, and women with a strong masculine presence lesbian, it’s important to note that this balance in energy does not determine a person’s sexuality. Not only are there plenty of heterosexual men who are wonderfully in touch with their feminine side, but there are also plenty of gay men who have a strong masculine energy presence.
A possible spiritual reason for this “dominant energy” could have to do with the number of past lives we have lived as a particular gender, and how comfortable we have become expressing that type of energy. A clairvoyant I was speaking to who helps people heal by exploring past life trauma, explained that if a soul who has incarnated for several lifetimes as a female suddenly decides to come to earth as a male, they may carry over some of the feelings and values from that lifetime. It’s common for that soul to be gay in this lifetime or they may even feel that they are a female inside. This is known as being transgender.
I am not trying to say, however, that this is the sole reason a person may be born gay or transgender. There are countless reasons why a soul may choose to incarnate with these life experiences, whether it be for their own spiritual growth, the growth and lessons of other souls in their life (including their family and friends), or another reason all together. This is a broad and interesting topic which I will look to explore at a later date.
Gay people have the advantage to balance their energy
Do gay people have an advantage in expressing their masculine and feminine energies, and therefore finding a balance between them? I believe they might.
Gay men can openly express their feminine side without the fear of being judged, or at least not as harshly as a straight male. They can express feminine energy traits more openly and even go so far as to dress in drag or wear makeup. A straight male does not have such luxury, as simply being in touch with his emotional side may have him labelled as a wimp by his peers.
Similarly, gay women can openly express their masculine side without being judged. When a straight female in a relationship displays too much power and control it may cause issues when her male partner feels emasculated. This is a big problem in our society and one of the reasons men and women continue to feel trapped in gender stereotypes.
Due to personal experiences, the LGBT community is generally more open-minded than straight people when it comes to gender issues and the idea of encompassing both masculine and feminine energies. TV shows like RuPaul’s Drag Race have done a fantastic job in exposing young people to the world of drag, and showing that it is possible for gay men to completely embrace their feminine side and be successful doing it. Contestants like Carmen Carerra and Peppermint have gone on to become transgender spokeswomen after coming out as trans on the show. Raja Gemini, winner of season 3, made a wonderful comment on the reunion episode of that season that I would like to highlight:
“I’ve come to a place in my life that I don’t mind embracing the fact that there is a masculine and a feminine, and why not join the two together and morph it into one amazing creature.”
– Raja Gemini
While the LGBT community certainly has an advantage in terms of understanding and experiencing the need for a masculine and feminine energy balance, there still much healing to be done in relation to this.
Transphobia & internalised homophobia
Part of the healing still required in the LGBT community is directly related to gender as judgements are made to those who may be experiencing a different balance in dominant energy to what is considered “normal” in society.
Transgender people have dealt with discrimination for many years, and it’s important to note that this discrimination not only comes from straight people but also from inside the gay community itself. Internalised homophobia and a failure to accept the feminine aspect of their own soul has led some gay men to hold hostility towards trans women and very feminine men. This is particularly true for gay men who are dominantly more masculine and may have struggled more with coming to terms with their sexuality.
I have spoken to various drag queens, non-binary and transgender people who all agree that it can be difficult for them to find dates in a gay scene that appears to be obsessed with a masculine image. Anyone using the dating app Grindr will notice the hundreds of muscled torsos and ads stating things like “no fems” and “masc 4 masc.” While these men will probably argue that they’re not being discriminating it’s just a personal preference – “I’m just not into girly guys!” – it’s important to understand where those hostile feelings might be coming from. When you judge someone else, you are revealing a part of yourself that still needs healing.
Release judgement of others who might have a different dominant energy to their gender, and also release judgement of yourself for expressing an energy different to your perceived ideal.
“To fall in love with yourself is the first secret to happiness.”
– Robert Morley
Balancing the energy
As we have already discussed, balancing the masculine and feminine aspects within you can lead to harmonious and successful lives. There are some wonderful articles and videos online about how to do this. Mind Body Green recommends visualisation breathing as a technique which you can read about here. Gaia.com also features a visualisation technique in which you sit on a chair and, closing your eyes, feel into the left and right sides of your body individually.
For those into metaphysics, crystals and stones are also said to be effective in balancing the yin and yang energies. The Event Chronicle lists 38 crystals to do just this, some of them being: Moonstone (the stone of emotional balance), Agate, Clear Quartz, Aventurine, and Flourite.
I believe that simply being aware of the different masculine and feminine energy traits will help you to create a balance within your own being. Recognise through your actions and thoughts where your energy dominantly lies, and if you find yourself crossing into an overbalance of one energy, counteract it with the other.
I hope this article has helped shed some light on this topic, particularly for the LGBT and anyone who might be suppressing their true nature due to misunderstanding or a lack of self-love. Remember, we are all masculine and feminine energy beings and have the ability to express both – whichever energy you embrace the most is up to you.
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